i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
