How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
