ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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