Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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