I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
