Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
