if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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