It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
two words: eviction party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
