I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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