By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
