meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
