and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
