you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just high enough for therapy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
