Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
