the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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