I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
