I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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