He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
