2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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