first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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