drunk tastebuds have low standards.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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