i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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