Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
