Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
