I am puke
worst night to have a conscience
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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