I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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