Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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