U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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