Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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