My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
