so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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