She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
