if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
