thus making me awesome and them whores
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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