You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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