so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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