My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
