I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
