At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want to be your penis for a week.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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