what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just high enough for therapy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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