At least make sure they are 18
Why
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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