i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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