ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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