Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there's paper in my vomit.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
