There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
