are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
