Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
