I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
