Having a random hookup so left but love u
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone says I win the strip club
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
