i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
