FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
