She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Im part way to drunk.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
