Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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