i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
