East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
