He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
