Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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