I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
