You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
